Fried Rice with Green Peas and Scallops


Ok…let’s see. Leftover mashed yams, half a jar of mayonnaise, something green in the corner that’s not lettuce, some soy sauce, eggs…Heineken. Heineken? Ok, fine. Frozen peas, frozen scallops that I salvaged from Rebecca’s spring cleaning, annnnd ice. As enticing as it sounds to drink beer for dinner, I have to have something in the pantry that I can eat for dinner. I’m STARVING. Don’t forget to buy crocs after work tomorrow…I can’t go in to the restaurant with the crocs I bought last time, unless I want hot oil dripping into my socks. I can’t believe I bought my last pair of crocs because I thought it would be cute to have colored socks show through the holes.  Oh, and get a baseball cap. Do I seriously not own one? Ok. Some white rice, pita chips. God, I could eat those forever.  Fuck. Hello? Oh. Hi mom. No. Ya, just got home. Tired. Yes, making it now. Ya, I’m going in on Thursday. I don’t know, I think I’m just going to stand in the corner of the kitchen and peel carrots. Yes, for free. Huh? No, I’m just going to make some fried rice. YES. OKAYYYY. Ya, they made sure I knew there wasn’t a job available. They probably think I’m crazy. Anyways, I’m hungry, I have to go, I’ll call you later. Bye.  Is that weird to put scallops in my fried rice? I think I’ve seen that before. Whatever, it’s either scallops and peas or baby carrot rice. I seriously need to buy some vegetables, I’m practically on a starch only diet. I’m going to get fuckin scabies. Wait, is it scabies? Oh, no scurvy. SWEET. Half an onion. Chop. Throw that in the pot with butter. Ok. Scallops. Check. Carrie is so full of herself. But I guess I would be too if I was 40-something and built like a 14 year old gymnast with the Silicon Valley on my chest. I wish I could pull off wearing some of the stuff she wears. God, I’m so Miranda. Maybe I’m secretly a lesbian too. At least she’s funny? Ok. In you go, peas.  I’m so nervous to go in tomorrow. I’m just going to pretend I’ve never worked the line, so that they’re impressed with anything I do. Just remember, be confident, and pretend you know what you’re doing. Oh. Rice. Ok. It actually looks good. Whisking two eggs now. I’m going to make a well in the rice, like they do on TV. “Using your spatula, create a nice well in the middle of your rice, and gently pour your egg mixture. Good! Congratulations! You have a well of raw eggs in your rice,” I can’t believe people enjoy watching Rachel Ray. Watching her is like promoting drugs. Get on that E! True Hollywood, she’s on fuckin crack. Speaking of crack, soy sauce and sesame oil makes everything good.  I could eat soy sauce braised wood chips if I had to. MM. A little bit more soy sauce. Perrrrfect. MM! It actually tastes realllyy good. More sriracha. Perrrrfect. (sigh). I need to find someone with the 6th season of Sex and the City on DVD. Watching Carrie getting dumped on repeat is not my idea of a fun Wednesday night.  Big is such an asshole. What the fuck is his problem.



2 Responses to “Fried Rice with Green Peas and Scallops”

  1. 1 Ydun

    A few things. I love stream of consciousness even if it makes you seem crazy, I saw Big last Friday at Finn McCools on Main and I was super pumped when we brushed shoulders and I also haaaate Rachel Ray. Good luck with the scurvy 🙂 -Yds

  2. 2 Matt M

    This post was HILARIOUS! Absolutely loved it. Til the Rachel Ray part. Let’s just agree to disagree and move on… no hard feelings… OK over it. Now I want some fried rice 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: